Silver Salvation
by NezuShibeb
Summary: Eren Jaeger has been having a hard time. He goes through extreme highs and lows and both seem to hit him when he least expects it. His life takes a dark turn until a certain man comes in and changes him for the better. **warning*** Self harm, suicidal thoughts and actions PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEEEASE DO NOT READ IF ANY OF THESE THINGS ARE TRIGGERS This story is not to make people upset
1. Chapter 1

This is a COMPLETE angst story. I'm trying to find ways to not do stupid things when I'm upset so here it is. This WILL have a happy ending though. I promise no matter how fucked up it gets there will be a happy ending and my attempt at smut. This is my first story ever so I'm sorry it sucks.

Eren had tried. He tried to be happy. He smiled when he felt the heavy cloud in his stomach lighten just a little in a emotion he figured was happiness. He laughed when he thought things were funny, which was actually pretty often because his sense of humor seemed to be more fucked up than anything else about him. But in the end of the day, after struggling through each class with his perfected facade, the weight would be too much. He'd feel himself gradually slipping until he would burst in through the door of his apartment and grab his flimsy razor from on top of his mirror. He'd hate himself for needing this. He'd hate himself for being weak. For wanting to watch himself bleed until the maroon syrup poured down his arm and stained his dark bathroom floor. He made sure the tiles in his apartment were dark, so the clean up would be easier. His blood could flow freely and he would be able to watch it do so without rushing to make sure his floor wouldn't stain and he wouldn't leave any evidence behind. In fact, with the dark floor he could even leave it there. Stay hours in his bathroom, surrounded by his own essence, just to remind him of how much of a piece of shit he was. He sat there in a pool of scarlet while the viscous liquid slowly stained his clothes, warming his cold body. Only when the high calmed and the guilt settled in did he frantically scrub the mess with wounded, shaking hands. Bandaids ran out quick in his home so he settled for simple bandages, just to get the bleeding to stop. Once it scabbed over in an ugly, bumpy mess of platelets and yellow what ever it was called that would fail at attempting to mend his horribly marred skin, he'd take off the soiled fabric and let his lacerations breathe. The next day would always be the best and worst. He would feel the scab catch on his sweater or Armin would punch his arm, blissfully unaware of the wound he just reopened. Eren could feel the constant ache of cutting too deep and hating the pain he caused himself while also having a sense of satisfaction, because he knew he deserved it. It was a viscous cycle. Cut, regret, self loathe, cut again. Cutting only lead to more cutting. Each time the sting of the blade would press against his sensitive skin, he knew he shouldn't be doing this. He knew that if Mikasa found out it would destroy her. He knew that if Armin found out he would only blame himself for not noticing. That only made him hate himself more. And self loathing lead to cutting. It was a viscous cycle.  
He had been clean for about three days. Considering he usually did it multiple times a day, before class, during lunch, when he came home, and when ever he didn't really have anything else to do, this was a great feat for him. The laced pattern threading up his arms and hips were still healing, of course, but he was feeling something he thought to be pride. That's when he met him. He didn't think much of him at first. The man was short, but nothing to be too strange. He drew attention, but that wasn't rare. He was dressed nicely, fitted leather jacket over a plain white V-neck, tight stonewashed grey pants bottomed with shiny black combat boots, and long black chains around his neck and hanging from his hips. But that must have just meant he cared about his appearance. Even Eren kept up his look, clad in a green plaid button up beneath an over sized black knit sweater, messily tucked into a black and white checkered belt, tight ripped black jeans, and black converse. So, well put together outfits weren't uncommon. The only thing that made him peculiar was his staring. He was looking directly at Eren. Even when Eren turned around and made eye contact, he did not look away. In fact he let his gaze travel down the length of Eren's lean body and then back up to his piercing green eyes. The brunet quickly turned away, focusing on the menu board behind the cash register of the coffee shop he was in. He ordered a simple black coffee and sat down to wait for his order. "Aron!" was called and he couldn't fathom how they managed to fuck up a name as simple as his.  
Step by step he continued his daily morning routine before his 9 o'clock class until he was at the last one; sitting in one of the corner booths, trying to cram in all the information he failed to study the previous day. There wasn't much studying going on though. The boy could still feel those stormy eyes on him, observing his every move. He did not look up. He may have had his public personality perfected but that was around the people he already knew and was comfortable with. When a random stranger decided to watch him like a movie his youthful social awkwardness was painfully present. He couldn't meet those electric eyes again. What would he say? Did he even have to talk or just acknowledge the fact that this man was going to keep staring and didn't care if Eren knew?  
Eren sighed and shoved his textbook back in his bag. He was just about to get up and leave when he heard the squeak of the leather seat in front of him. He didn't dare look up when he felt those eyes even closer. "Don't even think about leaving without cleaning your mess." His voice was deep, smooth, velvety even. Eren almost jumped when he heard it, but stopped himself before he seemed like a neurotic maniac. Instead, he decided to look up to see the man's flawless face directed at him, staring once again. His features were sharp and up close Eren was stunned at just how piercing his silver eyes were. He had pitch black hair, cut short underneath but rather lengthy on the top. He had thin eyebrows framing those sterling eyes that were ever so focused. Even with just seeing them for he first time, Eren could tell those eyes were never clouded, always fierce and unrelenting. His nose was slim and pale, just like the rest of his unblemished face, and his lips were thin pink lines tilted upwards in a small but conspicuous smirk. The man's shining eyes studied the younger's face, taking in every detail, then once again returned to keep unnerving eye contact. He gestured towards the half empty coffee cup on the corner of the table. "R-right." Eren felt his cheeks heat up as he gathered his trash and threw it away. He didn't want to seem like some lazy, disrespectful punk. He turned to leave but was, once again, stopped by that voice. "Leaving so soon? I didn't scare you off did I?" The sarcasm was thick. Eren turned and inspected the man in his booth. He was sitting with his legs crossed and his head resting on his laced fingers. "I'm not scared easily, sir." Eren retorted as he slowly sat back down. The man dropped his hands to his coffee cup that Eren hadn't seen before, and took a sip holding the rim of the cup. What a strange way to drink something. He eyed the young man with a cocked eyebrow and smiled, albeit a smug smile.  
"We'll see about that." Something in the man's voice made Eren stumble over his words. He tried asking what that meant but the ravenette just held his hand up and continued. "Save that for later. What's your name?" Straight to the point. What made this stranger think Eren would just give up his name like that? Did he look that naive? The emerald eyed man rested back on his seat and glared. "Eren." Why did I give him my name? I was supposed to say something clever or sarcastic or something! Why the hell did I just say it like that? He pursed his lips and was grateful that he didn't end up revealing his full name. "Levi." The reply was just as clipped but much less guarded. Eren tried to think of something else to say, anything really, but once again his social skills failed him and he was stuck sitting in silence with the deep voice swimming through his thoughts. After a while Levi either realized this or just simply got bored. The man sighed and raised from his seat, "I'll see you around, Eren." He rolled the last word off his tongue so fluidly it should have been a sin. He waved off the ruddy teen and exited the coffee shop, not looking back once. Eren sat there dumbfounded until his alarm went off and he realized he needed to leave to get to his class on time. With one last check that he had everything, he also left the shop. Only after his first class was over and he had some free time until his next one, did he think about what occured between him and "Levi". Why had some stranger just sat down with him only to ask his name and leave? You can't call that as a conversation, right? Whatever. I need to go home. The brunet sighed and felt his stomach pull. He quickly pulled out his headphones and pushed them in as far as they could go. Putting on his favorite song and turning it up until it hurt his ears, he walked back to his apartment to continue his consequential ritual.

I know the opening was dark sorry guys I just needed to introduce it because that is what this story will basically revolve around. I said Eren way too much too XD Don't worry I have plans for Levi too so it will get better fairly quickly ^^ I made it so like 1600 words and nothing even happened DX Please leave reviews, I would really appreciate it :3


	2. Chapter 2

The sense of relief was overwhelming. It washed through him like a storm as the small blade etched quick red lines across his olive skin. Weaving up the harsh curves of his hips and resting just above where his pant's waist band lays. He raced his hand back and forth until the tears stopped and the fit was over. The stinging burned like hell and he knew he had gone a little too far. Maybe too deep or just too many, he wouldn't be able to tell until he washed off all the blood. Before he did that though, he sat there and observed the damage he had done. His hips were less than shredded but still ruined enough to stain his vision red. Man, relapsing sucked. He was bleeding a lot, definitely more than he should. His shaking fingers gingerly touched one of the wounds only to be snapped back violently. He hated this. He hated knowing that because of this little fit he would never be able to do normal things with his friends. He couldn't go swimming because his scars would show. He couldn't go clothes shopping like how Armin would always insist. He couldn't even just sit around without worrying that his shirt, or sleeve would ride up and his ugly ass scars would show. But of course he had to do this. How else was he supposed to deal with this heavy weight in his stomach? The one that would only get heavier everyday until it felt as if the entire world was weighing on him. The one that cut out all options to be happy, that would only subside once he felt the unbearable sting of self-hatred shred him to pieces until he was nothing. The one that left only one option, the only option that Eren knew he was too scared shitless to attempt. Maybe if he grew some balls and finally just did it, he would finally be free from the weight. He would finally not have to wake up everyday and hate himself for thinking that it was_ a bad thing_ that he had a whole new day in front of him. That he had to see people and act normal and had to just fucking deal with his life!  
He didn't want this. Of course he didn't! He wanted to be happy and to know every morning that he had opportunities to take and memories to make that day. But no matter how hard he tried to think positively, to not yearn for sleep so he could stop hating himself for once fucking second, he always ended up back here. Sitting on his cold bathroom floor with silver blades strewn across the dark tiles, and some part of his body leaking crimson designs all around him. Tarnishing what ever clothes were still on him, rendering them sticky and a grim reminder of what just occurred. It would always wash out though. He knew very well how to make sure no evidence was left behind. He realized as he saw his blood stain his blue jeans, that he needed to clean up now, before any marks were left too long to be washed away. Slowly, painfully, he gathered his razors and carefully returned them to their hiding place on top of his mirror. He stripped down to his boxers and hastily shoved his soiled clothes in the washer. With his clothes taken care of he returned to the bathroom with paper towels and expertly wiped away all maroon until nothing but handfuls of blood-soaked paper was left. He was used to this. He could handle this. The shame was there, it always was, but now it wasn't overwhelming. It dwindled away with each slice to the point where it was bearable. He would bandage his hips, get dressed, fight with himself on what to eat only because he knew he should and not because he wanted to, and then continue the rest of his classes for the day. His ritual. It was so repetitive, so easy to continue. Eren almost felt comfort in his routine. It was something that he could rely on. Something that could always be there no matter what else is ripped away from him. So with this, he knew he could never stop. And that only made him feel more pathetic. He relied on tearing himself apart just so he wouldn't be driven to madness by his own thoughts.  
He heard laughing, small breathy chuckles, and he was confused. That was, until he realized it was him. He was so pathetic he actually laughed. The teen got up and looked at himself in the mirror. His brown hair was disheveled and dull. His face was stained with dry tears and his eyes were large aquamarine pools, clouded and lifeless. Glassy orbs stared blankly back at him, framed with pink puffy flesh. This face was one he knew well. This was what he really looked like. The funny thing is, this face was actually quite pretty. He couldn't remember the last time he thought that his normal appearance was "pretty" or handsome or what ever you call good-looking boys these days. Maybe he never had. It's not like it mattered. He had other things to do than try to think of when he didn't think he was shit. The boy quickly washed his face and left the bathroom to do exactly what he always did. He had a class in thirty minutes, and was not going to be late.

Why was he still thinking about that dumb ass kid? He was just some teenage punk who just so happened to be unbelievably attractive. He knew nothing about him. Only his first name and is fucking stunning face. Levi couldn't possibly understand why he was so damn drawn to Eren but he was and he learned a long time ago to not fight these kinds of things. So he started visiting that coffee shop almost every morning. He felt like a creep or stalker and was disgusted that some juvenile made him this way. But he had to do something to get rid of this pathetic puppy crush. Whether that was to just see him, or talk to him, or fuck him, it didn't matter he was just sick and tired of having that stupidly tall kid interrupting his thoughts all damn day. So far, just seeing him was not working.  
It started a few days after their first encounter. Those beautiful turquoise were still clouding his mind even after he'd decided that the kid was too young and clueless to catch on to his advances. So, he regrettably visited that little cafe again. Just to get a glance and remember exactly how vibrant the brunet's eyes were. There Eren was, sitting in the same corner booth with papers and notebooks strewn across the table. _What a messy brat_. This time, instead of going and sitting at that awfully dirty table, Levi opted for sitting across the small room, just to watch him and finally get him out of his head. But of course that didn't work, and Levi found himself in that same seat everyday for the rest of the week. He didn't know why, but he'd become completely infatuated with this shitty brat. It wasn't even just his face anymore, it was his voice when he would read papers aloud, his cute mannerisms, his everything really. This was crazy, he didn't know Eren! It was unreasonable and just plain creepy. He was some older man stalking a adorable teenage boy! He was disgusted, and even ashamed, but he still didn't stop seeing Eren every morning.  
It was getting quit ridiculous. He knew Eren had noticed him observing him, but the kid was either too scared or just didn't care enough to confront him about it. He had to do something about this. Talk to him. That was the next step. But he couldn't just go up and finally speak to him after two weeks of just staring. But what else was he to do? This had to happen, he had to talk to him. Levi didn't want to spend this much time just thinking about communicating with the dumb kid, but, to his luck, the clumsy brat gave him the perfect opportunity.  
The dumbass overloaded his table with what-the-fuck-ever papers in mountains of what looked like his procrastination and of course he just so happened to have an open, full, cup of coffee at the very edge. With the immensely shitty luck this kid seemed to have, he elbowed the hot cup and its contents flew, spraying everything within ten feet of the accident. Including Eren. He jumped up and tugged at his boiling clothes is a rather entertaining show and Levi couldn't help but laugh behind his hand at the commotion the idiot was causing. Eren didn't even notice all the people watching as he unbuttoned his shirt, revealing a conspicuously see through white v-neck. Oh no, Levi could not have a bunch of filthy creeps looking at Eren's body. Even the very thought of anyone but him seeing Eren that way made him furious. _Just like me to get protective over this dumbshit when I don't even know him. What ever._ With that thought, Levi found himself in front of Eren, handing him his jacket, and proceeding to clean up the crappy cleaning job on the floor.  
"Uh... I... Thank you, Levi." The elder looked up to two large emerald eyes, confused and smiling. "Tch. Get your ass down here and clean up _your_ mess." He looked back down to the soiled napkins in his hands. He heard Eren laugh, a beautiful laugh, one that he couldn't compare to anything that would give it justice. He heard shuffling as the boy crouched down next to him.  
"Yes sir."

**I'm so sorry for the late update my teachers all decided to assign 50 pounds of homework all on the same week -_- I know Levi is a little OCC but I have a plan for his character, and I'm really trying to show the vast difference in how Eren perceives himself and how everyone else does, like the stranger, Levi. And thank you all who reviewed and followed/favorited! Thank you MeowKasa! (I couldn't reply to your review so here you go ^^) Until next time, I hope you all like this chapter :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes at the top this time XD I made up Eren's class if that wasn't obvious. I'm not in college I don't know what class would assign a lot of work so I made up one that I can slip actual SnK stuff into. I'm also very terrible at dialog. And this isn't Eren being a little love sick puppy getting all flushed because his senpai talked to him. I wanted to show how Eren thinks and how much just one pleasant conversation can effect him. Eren right now has no romantic feelings towards Levi (or at least that's what he thinks). Hope you guys like it! Thank you so much for the reviews and favorites and follows ugh it just makes me so happy ^^**

That day had been a Friday. Despite Eren's seemingly compulsive routine of making a revolting mess in the coffee shop every morning, the weekends were sometimes spared of this paper and coffee tornado. And with this Saturday, the small cafe seemed lackluster with the absence of a certain clumsy teenager. He wouldn't say he missed him, no he would definitely not say that. But on some level, as he left the shop, a now cold and full cup of coffee tightly gripped in his hand, he felt something missing. Like leaving the house without his favorite scarf or forgetting to charge his phone before bed so it died in the middle of the day. He knew the reason behind this too. His morning had been boringly monochromatic with the shortfall of his usual splash of green. Levi hated how disappointed this made him.  
Through the rest of the day, the raven haired man was reduced to forcing that stupidly cute boy out of his thoughts. Really, this was ridiculous. After finally speaking to this nuisance, he had to trudge through an idle weekend just to fulfill his horrifyingly normal need to be around his acquaintance. He scoffed at himself as he realized, that is exactly what he was going to do. He was going to wait it out. And when that Monday morning came, it would be all the sweeter.

Eren was not a dumb kid. He would have been completely oblivious if he had not noticed the not-so-subtle man sitting in the same corner _everyday,_ and watching with his hawk-like eyes _everyday_. But strangely enough, he found himself not minding it. In fact, he might have even enjoyed it. Of course his pride would never let something like that be spoken, but Eren knew, somewhere in a midst of confusion and weariness, he felt warm. It was sad and pathetic and just wrong, so Eren shoved anything resembling those thoughts to the deepest parts of his brain. But in reality, he knew that he felt happy about his new stalker. Someone had taken interest in him. Someone, who knew nothing about him, found him interesting enough to just look at him. Levi never made it seem like he wanted to talk, and that only seemed to feed this strange new emotion Eren experienced. Levi was satisfied with just looking at him. Just seeing Eren every morning was enough for him. Eren didn't know if that had ever happened before. If anyone was just satisfied with looking at him. He had nothing to offer, he wasn't special, or talented, or handsome, or even ugly enough to gain attention, and yet this mysterious man found peace with his appearance. It made him feel important, special even. He was worth something. If he were to suddenly disappear today, tomorrow someone would miss him. Even if it was only for a day, someone would still feel sadness in his absence. And he was happy.

The weekend had brought a storm of tears, blood, and pills, so Eren didn't get anything done at all. He spent most of the daylight hours in a drug induced sleep and the night only brought pain and blood. In short, he had a shit ton of work to do Monday morning. So much that he had to bring his overstuffed backpack with him to the coffee shop and almost tripped on the stairs outside the door. But luck seemed to actually be on his side because as he fell someone was there to prevent him from completely face planting. He felt a strong arm around his shoulders and a hand pressed to his stomach for balance. He snapped his head up to find the familiar silver eyes searching his face. "Why the hell do you have this huge ass bag with you?" He seemed genuinely confused and of course there was his usual mocking tone. Eren straightened himself out, adjusting his bag, fixing his shirt, and pushed open the door. "I had to bring a lot of stuff," He answered and kept walking, as if he knew Levi would follow.  
"Well that's fucking clear." Levi retorted, his voice just behind Eren. _Maybe he'll sit with me today.._ Eren shook his head as he set his bag down on his table. He shouldn't be thinking like that, it would get his hopes up. "I didn't get much done this weekend, I... I guess I'm struggling with this new subject." He lied. He fiddled with his hands and kept his gaze to the floor. That wasn't unreasonable, was it? Teens struggle with school all the time, that's why he didn't get work done. Levi would believe that right? Did he say it too quickly? He wasn't looking at him when he said it, that's a sign of lying. Levi knew he was lying. _Calm the hell down. Stop panicking._ "What subject is it? I don't see what could be so difficult that it stumps the genius who spilled his coffee absolutely everywhere." Eren could hear the smirk in the man's deep voice. He sat down in his booth and Levi did that same. He is sitting with me.. Eren felt a small smile tug at his lips, but quickly covered it with a cough. Just because someone was paying attention to him does not mean he gets to be all giddy. He looked up to Levi's amused face and grimaced. "I don't see why a geezer like you would want to know what class a genius like me is struggling in." He smiled a smug smile as Levi took in the word "geezer". "For your information twerp, I'm 23. That's far from a geezer," He wrinkled his nose in disgust, "and did it occur to you that having been in college, I could help you?"  
Eren sat back and studied the man with wide eyes. Help him? This person wants to help him? Wait, he's 21? He's in college too? Eren felt warm. He smiled big and looked directly at Levi. "You would do that?" Levi's face looked confused. He tilted his head to the side, as if realizing what he actually said. He sat forward and looked at Eren with an expression Eren didn't recognize. "Well, yeah, sure. Who's going to help an idiot like you if I don't?" The weird faze Levi was in passed, and once again he looked amused. Eren felt his sudden good mood slightly dampen. He slouched in his seat and pouted. "And just two seconds ago you were calling me a genius." He felt like sticking his tongue out but decided to never ever do that. What was it about Levi that made him feel so childish and that being childish was okay? Maybe it was because he was older, but in reality Eren had never thought that Levi was too old. He didn't really think about his age at all, and he now realized that 21 fit him. He seemed like an adult, more than Eren at least, but he didn't look like he was in his late 20's. There was just something about him that made him seem older than he looked though. He wasn't a teenager, that's for sure. _Well that makes him four years older than me. He wouldn't even remember what he was learning when he was in college. Maybe he was just being nice. Actually I remember what I was learning in 9th grade so-_  
"..ey.. HEY BRAT!" Eren blinked and looked back to a very annoyed Levi. He was sitting completely still in his booth and staring harshly at Eren. The teen felt his cheeks flush as he quickly stuttered multiple apologies. "I.. I'm sorry. I guess I spaced off.. I 'm sorry.." He scratched his cheek with one finger and kept his head low. He must have looked so stupid, spacing out in the middle of a conversation. This is why he had little friends, he couldn't even give them his attention when they were directly talking to each other.  
Levi cleared his throat, causing Eren to peer up through his bangs. His body was stiff and his face wore another expression Eren didn't recognize. Levi leaned back and placed his hands in his lap. He was avoiding looking at Eren. "It's fine, brat. I was saying, are you planning on telling me what class or are you just going to suffer through not understanding?" His silver gaze was fixed on the wooden surface of the table, like it suddenly became very interesting. Eren smiled again, a much smaller smile with his cheeks still warm, but kept his eyes down. "It's military history and artifacts study." That was the class he had all his makeup work for. He didn't really have that hard of a time understanding it, it was mostly memorization. But his back pack was filled to the brim with work he had to do, and maybe Levi _could_ help him.

"Well that's not that hard. Take out your work, let me see if I remember any of it." Eren looked up at Levi and saw him reaching for his back pack. His face was passive and uninterested but there was something in his eyes that made him look satisfied. "You took the class?" Eren asked. "Yeah, I did, otherwise I wouldn't be helping you, now would I?" He smirked. Eren felt lighter somehow as he took out his folders and notebooks. He felt happy and content and like he could stay in this booth all day. Levi remembered most of what Eren had missed and even offered to fill in a few papers for him. Eren didn't know the last time he got this much work done. He felt accomplished for the first time in a very very long time. There was a bud in his stomach that wasn't heavy, it was light and warm and bubbly, like it could set him to the skies at any second. It festered and spread from head to toe the longer he talked to Levi. They worked and even laughed a little bit and as Eren's time began to run out, he found himself not wanting to leave. He had to put his stuff away but lingered in his seat. Conversation had run out, but they both didn't seem to mind. They sat in comfortable silence, just enjoying the presence of another person.  
Eren check his phone, he had to leave five minutes ago in order to get to class on time, but he didn't mind. He still didn't want to leave at all but he knew he had to. He just wanted a few more minutes though. Eren fidgeted in his seat, rubbing his palms on his jeans and checking his phone every minute. He felt Levi's constant glances at him turn into a open stare and he knew he noticed something. He heard a sigh and a shuffle. Levi was pushing his backpack off the table and onto his lap. "You have class, don't you." It wasn't a question, more like a statement of defeat. He stood up and walked over to Eren's side of the table. Eren looked up and sighed. He couldn't stall anymore. ".. Yeah, I do." He picked at the open zipper on his bag, still refusing to get up.  
"Come on. You'll be late." Levi's hand wrapped around Eren's upper arm and he lifted him to his feet. Eren felt his face and arm heat up and gently pushed Levi's hand off him. Levi stepped back and grabbed Eren's bag. With a short "turn around" he helped Eren get the heavy bag on. Eren muttered a thank you and stood there, not sure if he should leave or say something else. He heard a chuckle and looked up to the man he'd spent his entire morning and didn't fully smile once, smiling at him.

"I'll come back tomorrow."

Suddenly the bud in his stomach exploded. His limbs tingled and his blush grew. He smiled like an idiot. He smiled so much his eyes were squinted and his cheeks hurt. He wanted to hug Levi, to ask to be friends, to get his number, to do anything with this new man. But he didn't. He couldn't. _Calm down._ "I'll look forward to that." Was all he said.  
Levi smiled one last time, and then told Eren to get going. With the smile still on his face, Eren left the coffee shop.


End file.
